If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
