Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
