I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
