its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
