I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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