Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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