I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
