she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
