I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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