??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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