i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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