I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
