The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
