The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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