i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Pooping to opera.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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