i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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