even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
