Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize