You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this boner is exhausting
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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