I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
