At least make sure they are 18
Why
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize