yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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