dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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