handjob tips. give me some.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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