The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
