I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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