this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So. Much. Porn.
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