I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
