Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
