Don't make out with my wife yet
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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