**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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