i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
