Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize