and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
