Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
