I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
