when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
