very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
