Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
