This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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