Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's shark week go big or go home
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
