guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize