I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
