hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
