Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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