He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The air was thick with penises
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
