Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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