i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize