you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
