If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
