Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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