I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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