she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
