nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
