My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
