Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
should my penis look like a turkey
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
