I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
