i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
