I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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