i just wanna soil my oats bro
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
