I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
