Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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