well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
