i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
