Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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