i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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