did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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