The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
